For supporters
Supporting someone after trauma can bring love, worry, confusion and a strong wish to make things better. Your presence can matter while the survivor remains in charge of their own recovery.
A survivor may need time, privacy or more control over everyday choices than you expect. Let them decide how much detail to share and what they want to do next. Ask what would be useful, listen to the answer and allow it to change.
Helpful support leaves the survivor with choice and trusts their judgement. Practical care can include making a meal, attending an appointment when invited or helping to find information, with the survivor deciding what feels useful.
You are allowed to have boundaries, need rest and seek support for yourself. A safe relationship makes room for both people’s needs. Feeling frightened, resentful or out of your depth can be a sign that you need your own informed support.
Trauma-informed support
Blue Knot supports partners, family members and friends of adults affected by childhood trauma and abuse. Counsellors offer brief support, information and referrals.
9am–5pm AEST/AEDT, 7 days a week
1300 657 380Blue Knot support for family and friendsAny time you feel overwhelmed
Lifeline offers confidential one-to-one crisis support when you feel overwhelmed, distressed or unsure how to keep going. You can call, text or use online chat.
24 hours a day, 7 days a week
13 11 14Text 0477 13 11 14
Chat with LifelineYou may have learned to read the room, manage emotions or carry adult responsibilities. Your own experience matters too, and their recovery can make room for its impact on you.
Trust may build slowly and old danger signals can appear in a safe relationship. Consistency, consent and calm repair can show, over time, that the present relationship is different.
Stay connected while allowing progress to unfold at the survivor’s pace. Offer specific help, accept their answer and remember that leaving an abusive situation can be one of the most dangerous times.
Chapters 27–29 of Survivors Anonymous explore each of these roles in more depth.
Buy the bookIf someone is unsafe
If there is immediate danger, call 000. For domestic, family or sexual violence support, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or see more Australian services.